Anime Talk: Fullmetal Alchemist Edition
by Dragonlover71491
Summary: Go inside and see!
1. Introduction

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters that are appearing here…but beware, they will be tortured…by my co-host, Dame-Desu-yo, AKA Chibi-chan.

* * *

"Anime Talk: Fullmetal Alchemist Edition"

"Hello! Dragonlover71491 here to tell you about the next edition of our show featuring the cast of Fullmetal Alchemist! You, the readers, will be able to ask the cast the questions you've always wanted to ask. Plus, if you want, you can give them dares for your amusement." A teenage girl with glasses, shoulder length black hair, pale skin, black dragon wings, and a tail says.

"Yay! I get to see Alphonse!" Screams Chibi-chan, a teenage girl wearing glasses with average length hair that was colored an assortment of black, lime green, and citrus orange, with cat ears, one black the other orange, and a green tipped black cat tail, and a Green confederate hat.

"It isn't just Alphonse Chibi-chan…there are other characters."

"Who cares?! I just want to meet Alphonse!"

"Oh great, she's a fangirl for Alphonse…how could it be worst?"

"Hey Dragonlover71491, what do you think of this!" Chibi-chan screams.

"What now? What the hell is that?!" I demand as I look at the 30-foot tall monstrosity of a cake in the studio.

"It's a cake for Alphonse!" Chibi-chan squeals happily.

"You expect him to eat all that?!"

"NO! I'm gonna share it with him." She sighs blissfully.

"I swear…either way, we aren't going to interview him first Chibi-chan."

"What?!"

"Don't shout so close to my ear. Anyway, our first guest will be Edward Elric."

Chibi-chan makes a face at the mention of Ed. "I guess it's not that bad" Said Chibi who used to be a huge Ed fan.

"I know you aren't happy, but we'll do Alphonse later, I promise." I say, trying to cheer up my co-host.

"Can I cuddle him?" She asks with hopeful eyes.

"No…you can't."

"Aw…"

"Here…cuddle this." I sigh as I pass her a human Alphonse plushie.

"EEEE!" She squeals at an inhuman level as she takes the toy and squeezes it to the point of breaking.

"Glad she's happy. Anyway, we'll need at least five questions for Edward, and we'll accept any number of dares. All you have to do is leave your questions and/or dares in your reviews and we'll post the next chapter February 1st, until then, have a good night."

I turn to see Chibi-chan kissing the plushie, hearts around her head.

"Fangirls…anyway, see you February 1st."

"MY ALPHONSE!" Shouts Chibi-chan into the camera.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Dragonlover71491: Oy vey, I was so hoping you wouldn't turn into a fangirl.

Chibi-chan: I can't help it, ALPHONSE IS SO CUTE!

Dragonlover71491: I'll be lucky if I can hear anything after this.

Chibi-chan: If that's how it is (pulls out megaphone).

Dragonlover71491: Oh Chibi-chan (pulls out cattail).

Chibi-chan:*gasp* Cattail! Yay! (starts batting at cattail).

Dragonlover71491: So easy to entertain. Send in those questions ASAP!


	2. Edward Elric

Here's our first guest: Edward Elric.

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Chapter 1: Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist

"Hello people, welcome back to Anime Talk! Now please welcome our first guest: Edward Elric!" I shout as I clap my hands, the audience following soon after.

Edward walks onto the stage, waving to the adoring audience.

"I love you Edward!" Shouts a random fangirl as she storms the stage.

But she's electrocuted by the force field I have installed around the stage.

"I knew I was doing the right thing when I had that thing installed." I smirk as Edward sits on the couch opposite my desk.

"Weird." He says under his breath as he looks at the twitching body.

"I know only too well. Anyway, welcome Edward to our show!" I greet happily as I shake his automail hand.

"Great to be here. At least I don't have to deal with Colonel Bastard." He chuckles as he leans back on the cushions.

'_Maybe I should tell him that Roy's backstage. Nah…he's better off not knowing._'

"So…where's this co-host of yours, what was her name? Chibi-chan I think it was." He asks as I start pulling out my laptop for later use.

"I have no idea where she…"

But then Chibi-chan comes flying by, swinging from a rope screaming like Tarzan.

"Chibi-chan! Get down here!" I demand as I try fruitlessly to grab the rope.

"But this is fun! Weeee!"

"For the love of…" I sigh as I start typing.

A giant pair of scissors appears and cuts the rope, and like an old cartoon, Chibi-chan looks at the cut rope, then at the ground before falling flat on her face.

"Ouch!" Chibi whines as she rubs her nose.

"SIT ON THE COUCH AND BE QUIET!" I shout as my wings spread out with my irritation.

"Yes'm!" Chibi-chan squeaks as she bolts for the couch.

After settling down, I pull out the mailbag and pull out a letter.

"Okay Ed, just a few questions of my own before we start. What do you think of Roy Mustang's squad?" I ask as I recline in my chair.

"To be honest, most of them seem a little inept at their work, but they're okay. But that bastard colonel could do with a change in his attitude."

"I see…now, I'm going to ask you a very serious question. Ed…please tell me, as well as everyone who's reading/watching this at home, what are your feelings towards Winry Rockbell?" I smirk as I notice a small bead of sweat coming down Ed's forehead.

Chibi- chan leaned forward perking her ears up in hopes of hearing better.

"I…well…Winry and I have been friends since we were little…" Ed mumbles as he starts to twiddle his fingers.

"Let me rephrase that; do you _love_ Winry?"

"Uhh…can we move onto a different subject?" Ed asks as he rubs the back of his neck.

"NO!" cries Chibi-chan, but is ignored.

"Sure. Care for some lemonade Ed?" I ask as I pull out a few glasses and a pitcher.

Chibi-chan scowls and hugs her big Armored Alphonse plushie.

"All right, I am getting a bit thirsty." He says as he starts drinking.

"Now, our only question comes from _BugzAttack_." I turn to see Chibi-chan with a plushie that hadn't 'existed' 5 seconds ago. "

"Where the hell did that come from?!" I screech as she cuddles with her plushie.

" You'll never believe it! I got it off E-Bay!" Said Chibi-chan with a 'tamaki puppy' face. (if you haven't seen the series, too bad)

"Anyway, here's the question."

_BugzAttack_

_I want to ask Ed what was going through his head when Winry almost took her shirt off in chapter 84._

Edward does a spit take at the question.

Chibi-chan falls off the couch laughing.

"What the hell?! Why would somebody ask me that?!"

"Just answer the question Ed."

"No way!"

"All right then, if that's how it's going to be…"

I pull out a hypodermic needle and stick it in Ed's arm.

"Yeow! What the hell was that?!"

"Nothing…just a little truth serum." I smirk as I watch Ed's eyes cloud over.

"The truth is that I really do love Winry, but I just think she deserves better than me."

"Thank you Edward."

Chibi-chan's face is bright red due to her inability to stop laughing.

He snaps out of it and shakes his head after the experience.

"Huh? What did I say?"

"Nothing you should worry about. Now it's time for "Chibi-chan's Dare Corner," the part of the show where our guests will be performing dares sent in by our readers." I say as Chibi-chan smiles; it's time for her to torture the characters as only she can.

"Okay…they can't be that bad…right?"

"Well, let's just see our first few dares of the day…"

I look at the letter I've pulled out and snort a little.

Chibi-chan had gained composure only to start laughing again as she looks at the letter.

"What is it?" Edward asks as I show him the letter.

_randomperson_

_I have a few dares. First I dare Ed to hold Roy hostage with rizas gun than I than stab envy with a stick of butter._

"Okay…that's weird."

"I know, but you still have to do it. Chibi-chan, go get Riza's gun and Roy for us."

"I'm on it!" She says as she rushes from the stage.

After a few minutes, she comes back tugging Roy by the arm and holding Riza's gun.

"I got everything."

"Not quite Chibi-chan…" I laugh, typing on my laptop.

Roy is instantly tied to a chair, gag in his mouth as he glares at Ed, who's smiling as he takes Riza's gun.

"This I can do." He smirks as he stands by the tied up colonel.

"We better make it quick though." Chibi says as she keeps looking over her shoulder.

"Why? Chibi, what did you do this time…?" I ask as I start to sweat.

"I kind of "borrowed" the gun without permission." She squeaks.

"YOU WHAT?!"

Riza then comes on stage, an angry look on her face. When she sees Roy tied up with Edward pressing the barrel of the gun to his head, she isn't happy. Chibi-chan instantly hides under the desk, hoping Riza won't kill her.

"Edward…why are you holding the Colonel hostage with _my_ gun?"

Edward starts sweating as he drops the gun.

"It was part of a dare Lieutenant. Please don't shoot me." He whimpers as he backs away from her.

Chibi-chan slowly emerges from under the desk only to see Riza still there.

She then turns to look at Chibi-chan and me, picking up her gun from the floor.

"I'll just delete the last command!" I squeak as I type.

Roy is then free, but he's looking at me with a glare.

"Don't blame me, blame the person who sent in the dare!" I huff, pointing to the letter from _randomperson_.

He just turns and leaves, Riza following behind.

"That was dangerous…okay Ed, you ready for the next one?"

"This is going to be sweet." He chuckles as I type.

Chibi-chan makes her way back to the couch and hugs her plushie. "_scary!"_ she thought.

Envy is then brought to the stage, hanging from the mouth of an emerald green dragon.

"What the hell?! Would someone tell this lummox to let me down?!" Envy screams as he struggles in the beast's mouth.

"All right, calm down palm tree head. Drop him." I sigh as I searching my tail for any sign of shedding scales.

The dragon drops Envy without a care before leaving the stage.

"Why the hell am I here?"

"Just need you for a moment Envy. Chibi-chan, you got what we need?"

"Yes!" She squeals as she passes Ed a stick of butter.

Edward smiles evilly as he walks over to Envy, stick of butter in hand.

"What the hell is it Pipsqueak?"

"Who you calling so miniscule that he'd be crushed by an amoeba?!"

"Ed! The dare!" I yell, whacking him with my tail.

"Ouch! All right…Envy…"

"What is it?"

Ed squishes the butter into Envy's eye; and the homunculus is not happy with it.

"Ow! What the hell you little gnat?!"

"Now that's good!" Ed laughs as he falls to the floor laughing his ass off, completely ignoring the small comment.

Envy storms off the stage, butter still in his eye as I giggle.

"All right, time for the last few dares for this interview. The next set of dares come from _BugzAttack_…oh boy, he's not going to like that." I sweatdrop as I try to hide the letter.

"What is it?!" Chibi-chan demands as she snatches the letter.

"How bad could it be? I can take on anything!" Ed proclaims as he sticks out his chest.

Chibi-chan then shoves the letter under his nose, and when he looks down at it, all he can say is…

"WHAT THE HELL?!"

_BugzAttack_

_I dare Ed to be NICE to his dad!_

_I dare Ed to offer Scar milk and cookies (Ed has to have some too) and talk about their issues. Make sure Oprah or Dr Phil is there to offer moral support, (and substitute for as a human shield if the two decide to kill each other)._

_I dare Ed to propose to Winry_

_I dare Ed to spend 24 hours in a closet with the black and white kitty (panda) from hell and her owner the "bean girl"_

"YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS! BE NICE TO THAT BASTARD?! AND I HATE MILK! AND TO DO WHAT TO WINRY?! YOU PEOPLE ARE CRAZY!" He rants as he rips the paper apart.

"Unfortunately, you have to do it. I'll get Hoenheim." I sigh as I type on my laptop lazily.

A blue eastern dragon then slithers onto the stage, spitting up Hoenheim before leaving. Ed turns to smile at me as he watches "The Bastard" trying to remove the dragon saliva from his person.

"I don't like him anymore then you do Ed. After all, he left you guys when you were really little. I despise anyone who'd abandon their children." I state as I push up my glasses.

Chibi-chan then decides to bring in some popcorn as she watches the fun.

"Ed…you don't have to do anything _extremely _nice, but I think a hug will suffice. And possibly an "I love you Dad," just in case." I note as I pour some lemonade for myself.

The young alchemist then trudges up to his father and glares up at him. He then hugs Hoenheim around the waist with an angry look on his face.

"Ed…don't you have something to say?" I taunt, sipping away as I watch them.

The alchemist glares at me before he forces himself to say…

"I…love…you…D…D…Dad." He says before pulling away and sitting back on the couch.

Hoenheim is still unsure of what is going on, but shrugs it off before leaving.

Chibi-chan starts laughing again.

"You feel better Ed?" I ask as I work on making a paper crane.

"We never mention this to anyone." He grumbles, clenching his fist.

"All right, now it's time for some milk and cookies." I chuckle, pulling out a fresh tray of chocolate chip and a pitcher of milk.

Chibi-chan then slips off stage, a length of rope in her hand. A little while later, Chibi comes back dragging Scar with her, who's looking at her murderously.

"I got Scar!" She huffs as she pulls him to a table I've brought out.

"When you untie me, I'm going to…Fullmetal!" He shouts, finally noticing the alchemist who's already sitting down.

"Okay, now…you two are going to talk things out, and to help us, please welcome Dr. Phil!" I shout gleefully. (I do not own Dr. Phil…If that's possible.)

The professional comes on stage and sits between the two at the table.

"All right then, let's just get our feelings off our chests. Why don't we start with you Sir?" Dr. Phil says as I untie Scar.

Chibi-chan is sitting contently watching. Though in her thoughts, she was jumping up and down on the couch screaming "Fight! Fight! Fight!"

"I despise alchemists, because of them I lost everything that mattered to me. And I'll start by killing Fullmetal!" Scar screams as he tries to leap over the table at Ed.

"Whoa there, violence won't get us anywhere. Edward…Tell us, how do you feel?" Dr. Phil asks as he restrains the Ishbalan.

"I'm angry at myself for foolishly thinking I could bring back my mother, and I ended up putting my little brother in a suit of armor. I'm furious at my prick of a father for abandoning us when we needed him. I just sometimes think that maybe the world would be better off without me." Ed admits as he chews on one of the cookies.

"I see…Scar…do you blame yourself for what happened to your people? Do you think that maybe your anger is being placed on alchemists because you blame yourself for their deaths?" The doctor asks as he looks at the man.

Scar suddenly starts to tear up and grips his head.

Chibi-chan can't help but empathize with Scar, though at the same time she is secretly laughing.

"Yes! It's true! It's my fault!" Scar screams as he lets the tears fall.

Ed, Chibi-chan, and I stare at Scar as he lets Dr. Phil pat him on the back.

Chibi-chan is now bored with the current event so she grabs a bottle of milk and starts playing with a ball of yarn.

"Okay…he has very deep issues." I whisper to them as I take a cookie.

"All right then, I think we've settled everything here." Dr. Phil announces as he leaves the stage.

I walk over to Scar and pat him awkwardly on the back.

"It's okay Scar…you still have your health, and I think your brother would have wanted you to live on." I say, passing him a glass of milk.

"Yeah, maybe you're right." He grunts, chugging the drink and heading off to who knows where.

Chibi-chan then turns to Ed, a funnel in her hands.

"Edward needs to drink his milk!" She shouts, sticking the funnel in his mouth. "Though not my milk mind you!" she says as she sets her bottle down on the desk.

She quickly grabs the pitcher and dumps the contents down the funnel and down Ed's throat. When she removes it, Ed starts gagging and spitting.

"Gross! Yuck! (Raspberry)! Man, I hate you Chibi!" He whines, rubbing his tongue with a napkin.

After calming him down and giving him a glass of water to get rid of the taste, I pull out a velvet box and put it in his hand.

"What is this?" He asks, opening it and revealing a diamond ring.

"Next dare said and I quote "_I dare Ed to propose to Winry_," no way around that." I laugh as I watch him blush.

"But…but…"

"No buts Edward; now to set the atmosphere." I giggle as I type a few things.

We're all transported to Ed's hometown, right in front of Winry's house.

"We're here! Chibi-chan, fetch!" I order, watching Chibi get an angry mark on her forehead.

"I'm a cat, not a dog!"

"You know what I mean, now go get Winry!"

While Chibi goes to fetch our last missing piece, I go over to Ed to give him a few tips.

"Okay Ed…it's really simple, you get down on one knee, tell her you love her, that you can't live without her, blah blah blah, ask her to become Mrs. Edward Elric, you kiss, live happily ever after, the end." I say, a big grin taking over my face.

"But…but…"

"You better do it, not only for the show, but for all the EdWin fans of the world! And besides…" I smirk, a dark glint in my eye.

"And besides what?" He asks nervously, backing away from me.

"If you don't…I'll torture you in ways you couldn't possibly imagine…oh yes, torture you slowly and painfully, until you beg for death…" I whisper to him, eyes turning a crimson red.

"Yes…I'll do it, just don't hurt me…" He squeaks.

"Good!" I gush as I dust him off.

Chibi then comes out of the house, tugging Winry with her. I then notice a lump on Chibi's head, as well as Winry's wrench in her hand.

"Let me guess, she hit you?"

"Yes, ouch." She mutters as she rubs the bump. "Oh! And Ed! Draggy is a EdWin Fan herself!"

"Ah! Chibi-chan!" I shout as I chase her around with a Giant hammer.

"It's the truth!" Chibi-chan shouted as she climbed up the tree.

I calm down and walk back towards Ed and Winry.

"Okay…Ed…do you have something to ask Winry?" I push as I get behind the automail mechanic.

"Winry…I…well…this is…"

'_Come on Ed, this is no time to be a chicken! Say it damn you!_' I think, tapping my foot impatiently.

Ed then collapses onto one knee, pulls out the ring and starts to ramble…

"Winry, you are the most important person in my life. I know that you probably deserve better than me, but all I want to say is…is…" He then starts mumbling.

"Oh for fuck's sake!" I shout as I go behind him.

I then lift my tail and bang it against his skull.

"Say it you idiot, before I turn you into barbeque!" I scream, black smoke escaping my mouth.

He panics, and then slaps himself in the face before turning back to Winry.

"Winry…I love you! I've loved you since we were little kids. I can't live without you, when I'm not with you I can't think! So here I am, on one knee, with these two weirdos…"

"Hey we resent that!" Chibi and I say as we look at the alchemist.

"Winry…will you marry me and become Mrs. Edward Elric?" He finishes, sweat running down his face.

The blonde is staring at him in disbelief. We wait for several minutes before…

"Yes!" She squeals, tackling Ed to the ground and smothering him with kisses.

Chibi and I then hold up a banner that says "EdWin Love Forever!," cheering for the happy couple.

"You mean it Winry?"

"Yes, I love you Edward Elric, Fullmetal Idiot!" She responds before kissing him again.

I wipe away a stray tear as I blow my nose, happy to see them together at last. But then I blush as it starts to heat up; Winry's peeling off Ed's jacket while he's pulled off her bandana.

"Whoa there! This was not part of the dare!" I call out before realizing my mistake.

"Dare?! Ed how could you?" Winry cries as she pulls away.

Just as she's about to run off, I wrap my tail around her and pull her to me.

"Winry…let me explain; true, this was a dare, but Ed really does love you, I heard him when I drugged him with truth serum!" I explain as I take her wrench.

"Really?! You mean it?"

"Yes, and if I lie, may I be struck by a snow cone." I chuckle.

Chibi-chan then pulls out a snow cone and prepares to throw it, but I turn around and melt it with my fire breath.

"Don't even think about it kitty." I snort, wagging my tail triumphantly.

She just huffs at me, muttering that I'm no fun. Just as I'm about to leave the two blondes to their love…

"Oh yeah! I almost forgot!" I say as I Ed by the back of his jacket.

"Hey! What the hell are you doing?!" He demands as I type.

"We have one more dare to do; you get to spend 24 hours in a closet with May Chang and her panda Xiao Mei!" I explain as we're all teleported back to the stage.

The little girl is sitting on the couch with her tiny panda when we arrive.

"Thank you for coming May Chang, I really appreciate it." I say happily as I hold Ed with my tail.

"No problem at all, this sounded like fun!" She exclaims as she smiles cutely.

"Kawaii. Anyway, Chibi-chan, don't you have something for her too?" I inquire playfully of my partner.

"Oh yes. This will make things interesting." She cackles as she opens a bag of sugar and pours it down the little girl's throat.

"Now to put the two of you in here before the sugar kicks in!" I laugh as I shove her, Ed, and her panda in a closet, locking it securely.

"You can't do this, this is inhumane I tell you! Let me out of here!" Ed screams through the door.

"Sorry Ed, but you have to stay in there for a whole day." I tell him as I pull out my DS and play poke'mon.

Chibi-chan had secretly set up a camera in there so she could watch the fun. She starts laughing.

"WHEE! THIS IS FUN BEAN SPROUT, LET'S PLAY HORSIE! WHOO HOO!" May Chang shouts as the sugar kicks in.

"OUCH! LET GO OF MY HAIR! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS SACRED, LET ME OUT OF THIS HELLHOLE!" Ed begs as I hear pounding on the door.

"No way Edward. Anyway, that's the end of our show for now." I smile as I pause my game.

"Aw, already?" Chibi whines as she cuddles both her Giant Alphonse plush and little one that Draggy gave her.

"Sorry, but yes. But don't worry, next guest is Ed's loveable little brother Alphonse, in human form mind you, but I can put him back in the armor if anyone wants me to."

"!" Chibi-chan fangirl squeals as she jumps up and down on the couch.

"Would you calm down?! Anyway, our polls will be open until Valentine's Day, and we'll post a little after that. Till then, see you all soon."

"Alphonse! Alphonse! Alphonse!" Chibi chants as she cuddles her plush to the breaking point.

"Okay…bye for now folks!"

* * *

Dragonlover71491: Glad that's over.

Chibi-chan: Alphonse, yes! And it's going to be on Valentine's Day… *Starts ploting*

Dragonlover71491: Oh for the love of…This ought to shut her up. (Dumps fleas on her)

Chibi-chan: Ouch! Ow! Hey! This is cruelty to animals! Someone call ASPCA!

Dragonlover71491: You're a person with cat ears and a tail, not an animal, thus, it is not animal cruelty. See you all soon.

Chibi-chan: Yeah! Later! Ouch! Now I need a bath and I hate water!


	3. Note

Greetings friends! Since no one bothered to respond to Alphonse, his chapter has been moved to my partner Dame-Desu-yo's account: http://fanfiction.net/u/2130885/Dame-Desu-yo if anyone is interested.

Either way, due to circumstances, we are moving onto the next guest: Winry Rockbell. Polls are open until the end of February. Send in ASAP and wait for more mishaps with me and Chibi.

TTFN.


	4. Winry Rockbell

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters that are appearing here…but beware, they will be tortured…by my co-host, Dame-Desu-yo, AKA Chibi-chan.

Here's our next: Winry Rockbell.

* * *

Chapter 3: Winry Rockbell

I wander onto the stage yawning, unfurling my wings as I plop into my desk.

"This is going to be a long day…" I mutter as I pull out my laptop and turn it on.

Just as I'm enjoying a nice Royai video…

"Hey Draggy!"

"AHH!" I yell as I fall out of my chair at her outburst.

"Too much?" She asks curiously as I pull myself up, glaring at her.

"You trying to make me die of a heart attack?!" I scream as I try to claw her eyes out.

"No! I was just trying to wake you up from lala-land!"

"Next time a pinch would be appreciated you idiot."

After fixing my appearance and checking to see we have everything set up, I sit back in my chair and smile.

"Welcome back to Anime Talk! Now let's welcome our guest, Winry Rockbell!" I cheer as I point to the end of the stage.

Winry walks on stage with Edward, carrying a toolbox and a large handbag, holding hands with him, her engagement ring shining proudly on her ring finger.

"Welcome Winry, and I see you brought Ed with you." I laugh as I grab Chibi with my tail and move her off the couch.

"Ed wouldn't let me on the show unless he came along; said something about a loon on the show." She explains as she cuddles with her fiancé.

I turn to look at Chibi, knowing exactly what Ed is talking about.

"Well it's nice to have you both on the show. So tell us, how's life going for you two since you got engaged?" I giggle as I offer them some water.

"It's been wonderful, Ed is such a sweetheart, especially when he hugs me when I need it most. Plus he loves it when I call him…"

"Winry…Honey, I don't think they need to know that." Ed says nervously as Chibi swivels her ears to listen better.

"But I thought you liked it when I called you Eddy-poo."

I have to cover my laughter with a cough as Chibi-chan rolls on the floor laughing her ass off.

"I see…well, glad to know you two are happy."

"Eddy-poo! That's hilarious!" Chibi laughs as she wipes tears from her eyes.

"Either way, the questions we have today come from _bugzattack_."

_bugzattack_

_Why did you turn down the Elric brothers for being short?_

_How long does it take to repair Ed's automail?_

_If you were given free reign to design a new arm for Ed what would you make,_

_(the diamond tipped claws, a machine gun, an alarm clock, just go crazy.)_

_Were do you and Scar stand now that the Briggs thing is over and he is helping_

_Ed?_

_Oh yah, about you and Ed; Who is the more dominate one in your relationship?_

_You do know you have him wrapped around your finger, right?_

_To Ed:_

_What is your training like in Rush Valley, your teacher is a little... odd._

_What was it like to deliver that baby?_

"Interesting questions, your responses?" I ask as I put the letter away.

"I always thought I wanted a guy who was taller than me, but I guess Ed proved me wrong."

"Great answer, it's what's on the inside that counts."

"I say they should look good and be taller." Chibi adds in as she sits on my desk.

"Shut up Chibi." I say as I shove her off.

"Meanie." She huffs as she sits on the floor.

"You were saying Winry?"

"As for repairs, it depends on how much damage Ed's done to it in his recklessness."

"Understandable. And I sympathize with you since your work is often brought back in disrepair."

"Glad to see someone does." Winry laughs as she glances at Ed.

"Right, and what about free reign over design?"

"Oh! The possibilities are endless!" She squeals as I cover my ears.

"Anything in particular come to mind?" I ask as I shake my head to get rid of the ringing in my ears.

"I think I'd add a little umbrella so Ed could have shade when he needs it." She says happily as she snuggles up to her fiancé.

"Nice idea, and things between you and Scar?" I giggle as I

"I don't want to talk about him."

"Right…and how about your relationship? It goes without saying who wears the pants in this relationship in my opinion." I chuckle as I grab myself a bottle of water.

"I guess you can say I wear the pants." Winry states calmly.

"Who decided that?!"

"Ed! Be quiet!"

"Yes dear!"

'_He is so totally whipped…_' I laugh in my mind.

"Now that's funny!" Chibi laughs as she cuddles her Alphonse plushies.

"And before we forget, Ed, your response?"

"One, when you train under Teacher, you learn a whole new meaning for the word 'strict,' and two, I was freaking out! How would you feel if you had to deliver a baby?!"

"I know it's supposed to be scary, but the end results are always worth it." I sigh as I think of the few births I've witnessed.

"Yeah! Babies are cute!" Chibi squeals as she thinks of a little baby Alphonse. "I just realized how much I'm like Ed…" Said Chibi-chan just now realizing that It was Her that I was talking about earlier.

I just shake my head at the ridiculousness of this whole thing.

"Right…next is "ChibI-chan's Dare Corner." Ready Winry?"

"Absolutely."

"Great…first dare comes from _Mikano Zirake_."

_Mikano Zirake_

_I dare Winry to give up her wrenches and other tools (That includes all secret stashes and no buying more) for a month._

"Oh boy…Chibi, you handle this." I say as I push her toward Winry.

"Why do I have to do it?" She whines.

"It's called "_Chibi-chan's_ Dare Corner," so you do it!"

"Fine…" She grumbles as she reaches her hands out for the toolbox.

But Winry is not willing to let it go.

"Keep away!" She screams as she throws a hammer at Chibi, beaning her in the head.

"Ouch! Winry calm down, it's only for a little while." She exclaims as she dodges more tools.

"No way you're getting my babies!"

"Ed! Restrain your fiancée!" I call out as I barely dodge a misfired screwdriver.

"Right. Winry, Honeybunch calm down now." He says unsurely as he wraps his arms around her waist.

"Let me go Ed, no way in hell am I letting this go!"

I sigh irritably as I crawl out from under my desk and walk toward the mechanic.

"Winry…I assure you, you'll have them back after we've interviewed everyone. So please calm down, I think you've caused enough injury to Chibi already." I state as I point over to my co-host, who's now sporting a shiner on her left eye and multiple bumps on her head.

"Yes…please…ouchies." Chibi grumbles as she pulls out a first-aid kit.

"All right…here." Winry sighs as she passes me the toolbox.

"Thank you…we need all of it." I push as I hold out my tail expectantly.

Winry then goes through her handbag and passes me a variety of tools that I put away in my desk until later.

"Now…the next few dares come from _bugzattack_. Oh boy, Ed's not going to be happy." I sigh as I look over the list.

"What is it?!" Chibi demands as she takes the list from me.

_bugzattack_

_Ok, hmm..._

_This one is a dare for everyone, but Winry in included. I dare Winry to play spin the bottle with Roy, Ling and Greed Ling (don't know how that's going to work with them in the same body and all), and Ed gets to watch._

_Better yet, how about getting Ling to propose to Winry and have her pretend to say yes, with the Elric brothers as witnesses!_

_Tease Ed and Al about how panicy they got when that baby was being born._

"WHAT?! Who the hell thinks this is okay with me?! Where's the bastard?! I'll kill him!" Ed rants as he morphs his automail into a blade and brandishes it like a loon.

"Calm down Ed! You can take someone's head off with that!" I shout as I hold up my hands defensively.

"Scary." Chibi whimpers as she hides under my desk.

"All right…let's calm down…this is only a one time thing. Not happening again. Ever." I emphasize as I drain my water bottle before grabbing Winry.

"I'll get Ling!" Chibi chirps as she rushes off.

"The story of my life…I have to live with Chibi as a co-host for something I apparently did wrong. Yeesh, talk about divine punishment." I grumble as I look to Ed, who's still pissed at the dare.

"Can't believe this, that free loader of all people?" He mumbles as I wait for Chibi-chan to get back.

She soon comes back, tugging Ling along for the dare.

"Got him!"

"Great job Chibi, now you just need to get Al…"

"Alphonse!" She squees before rushing off.

I rub my temples because I know she's an Alphonse fangirl, and even worse I know that she's going to need some convincing to let him go.

"This is not going to be a good day." I sigh as I twist my tail, not happy this is happening to me.

Human Alphonse is then brought out, Chibi attached to his arm as he rubs her ears.

"Glad to have you Alphonse. Chibi, let go."

"But I don't wannaaa."

I walk over to her and grab her tail, yanking on it as she tightens her hold.

"Let him go Chibi!"

"NO!"

"LET GO DAMN IT!" I snarl as I pull harder.

Unknown to us, Alphonse loosens Chibi's fingers, so when her last finger is unclenched, we both fly back because of how hard I was pulling.

"Ow… you hurt my tail…"

"Chibi-chan…"

"Yes Draggy?"

"Remind me to set up an appointment at the vet to have you declawed." I groan as I stand back up.

She just looks at me weird as she scoots away, unsure of how to feel.

"Wait! I don't have claws." She smiles at me.

"Right, denailing, whatever…let's just continue with what needs to be done." I say as I shake my head, which is still throbbing from the impact.

"I got my video camera!" Chibi cheers as she pulls out a camera.

"A camera!? When did you get that!?" I Shout.

"E-Bay!" Squealed Chibi-chan as she turned it on.

"Oi…" I Groan.

"What am I doing here if I may ask?" Ling inquires as he turns to me.

"Well…you have to…" I whisper the rest in his ear before I turn to look at Winry.

"Oh! I see!" Ling exclaims as he laughs.

'_This isn't going to be pretty…_' I think as I move to stand by Ed, who's growling under his breath.

"Miss Rockbell, will you do me the honor of becoming my bride?" Ling asks as he gets on one knee, smiling at Ed out of the corner of his eye as I restrain the alchemist.

"Yes! Yes Ling! Of course I'll marry you!" Winry says, trying to sound as convincing as possible.

"Ed! This is part of the show! Calm down!" I yell as I struggle with him, using both my tail and my arms to restrain him.

"That bastard is going to die! Let me go!" Ed shouts as he kicks at me.

"Brother, calm down!" Al says desperately as he grabs Ed's feet.

"I don't care! I need to hit that smug bastard!" Ed retorts as he tries to hit me with his automail.

"Ling! Get out of here! You've done your job!" I shout as Ling runs off, not wanting to face the angry blonde alchemist.

As soon as he's out of sight, I wrap my tail around Ed and pull out my laptop, typing swiftly, producing a syringe in my hand.

"This ought to calm him down." I mutter as I stick him with the needle, loosening my grip on him as his eyes start to droop.

Ed's eyes dilate before he goes limp in my coils, completely still.

Chibi-chan hid behind Alphonse. "It's the Syringe of DOOM!"

"He'll be out of it for a bit, but he'll be fine." I say as I deposit him on the couch.

After a few minutes, he regains consciousness, seeming to have forgotten what made him so angry. "Seeming" being the key word here.

"WHERE IS HE?! I'LL GUT HIM LIKE A FISH AND HAVE HIM FRIED!" He screams, which is bad since I'm closest to him.

"My ears." I say as I rub them to rid myself of the ringing.

Chibi just laughs at my pain.

"Right…this isn't really my area of expertise, so I'll just let Chibi do it."

"Ahem…" Chibi clears her throat.

She takes a deep breath before…

"Ah! A baby is being born and I'm freaking out like it's a bomb! What do I do?!" Chibi screams mockingly as she runs around the stage.

Ed looks mad and Alphonse is a little embarrassed by this display.

"Look at me, I'm Edward Elric! I may act all tough and manly, but I'm a wuss when it comes to babies and birth! What should I do?!" She continues as I just shake my head at her display.

"Okay…enough of that Chibi." I sigh as I rub at my temples.

"All right." She replies as she sits next to Alphonse on the floor.

"Okay, we've had enough of that. Alphonse, you can go now." I say as I roll my eyes at Chibi who's trying to keep Al to herself again.

"No…I don't want Alphonse to leave me!" Chibi whines as I detach her from Al and send him away.

"Right…the next dare is from _the girl with big head_." I sigh as I pull out the letter.

_the girl with big head_

_Winry: take edward on a date to a milk factory and make him drink those BY ANY MEANING NECESSARY (seducing included)_

"What is it with people trying to make me drink milk? It's nasty!" Ed exclaims as he makes a face.

"It's only for a little bit…and I think one bottle will suffice." I say as I start typing on my computer.

"Deal with it Ed." Chibi laughs as I look over my work.

"No way will I…!"

"Later Ed!" I say as I press the "enter" key.

Both blondes are the sent off for the dare.

"Draggy, why didn't we go with them?" Chibi inquires as she looks at me.

"Simple…I didn't want you to cause any trouble, and besides…" I grin as I pull up a new window.

"Besides what?"

"I sent a little camera to watch over them." I smirk as Ed and Winry come up.

"Oooooo!" Chibi says excitedly as she grabs a bucket of popcorn.

Both of us stare at the screen as Winry tries to make Ed drink a bottle of milk that she has just squeezed from a cow.

"Come on Ed, it's good for you."

"No way am I drinking that!"

"Please Eddy-poo, for me?" She begs as she does the puppy-dog pout.

"No, I'm not drinking it."

Winry pulls back and smirks at him before she brings the bottle to her lips.

"Too bad…you don't know what you're missing." She croons seductively as she tilts back the bottle, allowing some of the milk to drip down her neck.

Ed swallows a lump in his throat as the droplet goes down her neck and down between her bosoms, feeling uncomfortable as she offers him the bottle again.

"You going to drink it now Ed?" She asks as he takes it and drains it, not pausing to breathe.

Back with me and Chibi-chan…

"He's so pathetic…" I mutter with a smirk as the camera zooms in on them.

"Winry did good…" Chibi giggles.

"Well, time to bring them back." I say as I type on my laptop and press the "enter" key again.

"Aw boo." She said as she threw her empty bucket at the screen.

Ed and Winry are back on the couch, Ed blushing heavily with his eyes focused on Winry.

"Enjoy yourselves?" I smirk as I close my laptop.

"Yeah…we had fun." Winry laughs as she cuddles next to Ed, who's still dazed.

"Great to hear…well that's the end of the show. It was great having you here you two." I say as I shake hands with Winry.

"It was great being here, and you'll be sure to take care of my babies, right?"

"I promise, now I think it's time for you to take him home, he's really out of it." I reply as I point at Edward, who's still on the couch.

"Right, see you." She says as she drags Ed away, tugging on his arm.

As soon as they're gone I collapse in my seat, exhausted.

"Glad that's over." I sigh as I stretch out my wings and crack my neck.

"That was fun!" Chibi-chan laughs as she collapses on the couch.

"To you maybe…me, not so much."

"So…who's our next guest?" She asks curiously as she bats at her tail.

"Hold on a minute," I mumble as I reach into one of my desk drawers and pull out a piece of paper. "Let's see…rice, pepper, milk…"

"Huh? That's weird, even to me."

"Sorry, that's my grocery list." I say as I dig through my other drawers. "Here we are, according to this, Roy Mustang is next on our list." I smile as I roll up the paper.

"Yay! In the immortal words of Mustang," Chibi declares as she jumps on my desk. "VIVA LA MINISKIRT!" She shouts as she starts waving a flagpole with a miniskirt on it.

"I knew I shouldn't have shown you that fan comic! Get off my desk you stupid feline! And get rid of that flagpole, it's ridiculous!" I shout as I try to grab the monstrosity.

"No way! And here's my favorite line…_That day, all female officers will be required to wear…tiny miniskirts!_" She yells, still waving her so-called flag proudly.

"You idiot, cut it out!" I snarl as I try to make her stop, chasing her around the stage.

"No! I have the right to freedom of speech!" She yells as she keeps waving her flag.

"Well I have the freedom to beat you in defense of my show!" I growl as I throw a fireball at her head.

"That's if you catch me Draggy!"

I then stop in my tracks as I realize something.

"Of course! How could I be so stupid?!"

I then grab my laptop and type for a second. A hole is made under Chibi's feet, and when she no longer feels the ground, she looks below her. And just like an old cartoon, she falls in the hole as I catch the flagpole.

"Dumb cat…anyway, polls for Roy will be open until March 19th, so send in your questions and dares quickly…we'll be waiting for you." I smile as I look down at Chibi.

"Can you help me out?" She inquires as she notices a devious smirk on my face.

"No…but I'll leave you something for company." I laugh as I drop a skunk into the hole. "Good-bye Chibi-chan." I smirk as I leave the stage.

"Uh…nice skunky?" She says nervously as the skunk lifts its tail.

Let's just say Chibi's going to need a few baths.

* * *

Dragonlover71491: Sorry this was late, complications in production.

Chibi-chan: Probably cause of me…hey Draggy…

Dragonlover71491: What is it Chibi-chan?

Chibi whispers in my ear.

Dragonlover71491: I see…that'll be going in for sure.

Chibi-chan: Really? Yay!

Dragonlover71491: See you all soon! Hey Chibi…here's a fish.

Chibi-chan: Yay fishie!

Dragonlover71491: So easy to please.


	5. Roy Mustang

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters that are appearing here…but beware, they will be tortured…by my co-host, Dame-Desu-yo, AKA Chibi-chan.

Here's our next: Roy Mustang.

* * *

Chapter 4: Roy Mustang

"Why do I get the feeling this is going to be bad?" I mutter as I tie up the last banner.

"Hey Draggy! Ready for…the…" Chibi starts to say, but she stops as she spies the banners I've put up in the stage background.

"Hey Chibi, just making a few last minute adjustments to the stage." I smile as I fly down from my work.

The banners I've put up say the following: "VIVA LA ROYAI!," "LONG LIVE ROY AND RIZA!," "SUPPORT ROYAI!," and "DOWN WITH ROY/ED!"

"Well…? What do you think?" I ask as I smile at my handiwork.

"I thought you supported Ed/Win." She says as she stares at the banners.

"I am a supporter of Ed/Win…but I pledge my loyalty to Royai! Long live Royai!" I shout as I wave a flag with Roy and Riza on it, a heart surrounding them.

"And you say my fangirling is ridiculous." She laughs as I glare at her.

"Don't judge me, I am one of many who know Roy and Riza are destined to be together and have a million babies." I say proudly as I put my flag away.

"Wow…. Right, you just tell yourself that."

I just throw a fireball at her before I sit in my seat.

"All right everyone, time for more Anime Talk! Now let's welcome our next guest; he's known as the Flame Alchemist, he's determined to become the next fuhrer and make it mandatory for female officers to wear tiny miniskirts, he loves dogs and is part of the greatest pairing ever: Roy Mustang!" I shout enthusiastically as Roy struts onto the stage.

"I LOVE YOU ROY!" A random fangirl squeals as she charges the stage.

But then she's zapped by the force field I still have up.

"I knew I was smart to turn that thing on today." I laugh as I shake hands with Roy.

"I'll say, but what can I do? The ladies love me." Roy says arrogantly as he takes his seat on the couch.

I turn to see Chibi-chan glaring at Roy. "Chibi-chan. Leave him alone." I say, knowing she was planning something.

"HISSS" She hissed at Roy before turning back to me "ok." She pouted.

"Obviously…welcome to our show by the way Roy."

"Pleasure to be here. And may I say, nice job with Fullmetal." He chuckles.

"Thank you, and sorry about the whole tying you to a chair thing before." I laugh nervously as I recall that event.

"No apologies needed, it could have been worse, right?" He tells me as I look over at Chibi-chan, who's batting her tail at the moment.

"Indeed. Either way, I have a few questions of my own to ask before we move onto the fanmail."

"Sure, whatever. One thing though…" Roy says as he turns to look at Chibi.

"What is it Roy?"

"Why do you have her as a co-host? She's part cat."

"It can't be helped what she is…as for the being my co-host…I was tricked/forced to have her." I moan as I pull out my contract.

"Feel sorry for you." He comments as he moves away from Chibi.

"Hey! I'm not all that bad!" shouted Chibi-chan.

"Thanks Roy, moving on. All right then, tell me, what do you feel for Riza?" I smirk as I Roy gets the tiniest blush on his face.

"Riza and I are good friends, we _have_ known each other for years since I was her father's apprentice." Roy says unflinchingly as I glare at him.

"Well Roy…I have something different to say about that…" I smirk as I turn to Chibi. "Chibi-chan, may I borrow the remote to your lasers?" I ask sweetly with sparkly eyes.

"Sure!"

As soon as I have the remote, I press one of the buttons, and Roy finds himself with hundreds of tiny red dots of light pointed at him as all the lasers aim.

"Now Roy…you either tell us the whole truth or become Roy Roast." I smirk as I bring my finger close to one of the buttons.

"Okay I'll admit it! I love Riza! I love her with every fiber of my being, though I think she deserves better than me!" He gushes out as I press one of the buttons and the lasers retreat.

"Glad to know that you can tell the truth…that's enough of my questions." I laugh as Roy looks at me.

"I thought you were supposed to be the serious host." He mutters as I pass Chibi her remote.

"I am…I just also happen to be a supporter of Royai." I giggle as I sit back in my chair.

"Royai? What in the world is Royai?" He inquires as he notices the signs behind him.

"Maybe I'll tell you later." I smirk playfully.

"Wait! I have a question!" Chibi shouts in Roy's ear, causing him to wince.

"What is it?" He asks irritated as he glares at Chibi.

"How do you feel about Roy/Ed?"

"Huh? I don't understand."

"Well…you see…" I start before leaning over and whispering my explanation of Roy/Ed into his ear.

And he is not happy about what he hears.

"WHAT?! Who the hell thought Fullmetal and I would…?! That's disgusting! Ugh, I feel sick!" He shouts as I cover my ears to block out the noise.

"Does that answer your question Chibi-chan?" I mutter as Chibi chuckles to herself.

"Yes!"

"Either way…the first question is from _Bugzattack_." I sigh as I flip open the letter.

_Bugzattack_

_I want to ask what all your fangirls need to know the answer to: are you as worthless in bed as you are in the rain? p_

I'm blushing as I turn to Roy for his answer.

"Well…your response to this uh…unique question Roy?" I cough out uncomfortably as I crumple up the paper.

"Let's just say that I'm not called "Mustang" for nothing." Roy smirks as he leans back on the couch.

'_Ew! I did __not__ need to know that!_' I think as I leaf through the mailbag.

"Hee hee! Draggy's embarrassed." Chibi laughs at my discomfort. "EW! Nasty!" shouted Chibi-chan after finally understanding what Roy meant.

"Shut up you damn cat. Last few questions are from _2 Lazy2LogN_."

_2Lazy2LogN_

_I want to ask Roy what would happen if you got another shot at Envy._

_Could Roy comment on chapter 101?_

_How does Roy like his homunculi? Fried, medium rare, or burnt to a crisp? _

"At least these are more reasonable. Roy?" I say as I roll up the sheet.

"Let's see…another chance at Envy…I'd probably fry the little sucker until he was nothing but a pile of ashes for me to stamp out." Roy chuckles as he pulls on his gloves.

"I see, and your comments over chapter 101?"

"Not one of my favorite moments…when Riza was hurt, I was absolutely furious…if anything had happened to her, I don't know…"

"I think I get it Roy…nasty thing to happen to you, and I mean the sword through your hand."

"Oh yeah, hurt like hell I can tell you that." He laughs as he reflects on the events.

"I should think so…and the last question?"

"The last option, I prefer if they can't come back to hurt me or my loved ones."

"I see, time for everyone's favorite part of the show, "Chibi-chan's Dare Corner," ready to go Roy?" I announce as I pull out some armor.

"I'm all for it. But what's with the armor?"

"I just feel I need it." I explain as I pull out the first letter.

"I'm so excited!" Chibi squeals as she waits for me to read.

"All right, our first set of dares come from _Bugzattack_. These shouldn't be too bad…AYE CHIHUAHUA!" I shout as I drop the letter, clinging to the back of my chair in fright.

"What's the matter Draggy?" Chibi asks as she picks up the letter and looks it over.

"I don't know what's worse…one or two." I mumble as I shiver in fear.

"What's the matter?" Roy asks as I grab a barf bag.

Chibi shows him the list as I lose my breakfast.

_Bugzattack_

_I don't think Ed likes me very much...Lol._

_Ok, I dare Roy to kiss Olivier Armstrong with passion,_

_to wear a mini skirt himself,_

_to steal King Bradley's eye patch,_

_to have a rematch with Ed in a swimming pool. ( See Ed Im being nice to you...no wait, I forgot you can't swim. Never mind.)_

_Roy also has to see all of Hughe's family photos, and_

_um...do something to please the EdxRoy fangirls, Im to lazy to think of what so the show hosts get to decide._

"I'm going to die…" Roy mutters as Chibi laughs at him.

"I know we are…I'll call her up." I sigh as I use my laptop to produce a mike.

"Shall I write out your last will and testament?" Chibi asks playfully as she pulls out a feather quill and a pad of paper. "Ooo feather." She coos a she tickles her nose with it.

"I have only one thing to say: leave all my valuable possessions to my subordinates, and have the 1st lieutenant wear a miniskirt to my funeral."

"Miss Olivier Armstrong please report to the front stage, Miss Olivier Armstrong please report to the front stage."

The blonde then saunters onto the stage as I pull at my shirt collar nervously.

"What the hell did you need me for?"

"Um…we just need you for a second, but first, I need you to give me your sword for a while." I cough as I hold out my hand.

"Fine, but this is highly unusual." She mutters as she places the blade in my hand.

Chibi then shoves the list in Olivier's face like an idiot; apparently she has a death wish.

"WHAT?!!"

I wince at the older woman's volume as I tuck the sword away in my desk. She then glares at Roy who's shivering in his place on the couch.

"They expect me to kiss him?" She hisses as I wrap my wings around me protectively.

"Just for a minute, then you can leave." I mutter as I grab a timer.

Roy staggers over to Olivier with a grimace, clearly appalled by the prospect of what he's about to do.

"Just a minute and we're done with it." I say as I duck under my desk.

Chibi pulls out a camera, but I snatch it away.

"Do you want to die?" I hiss at her as I pull her under the desk with me.

Roy closes his eyes and swallows the lump in his throat, a shiver going down his spine as he thinks with disgust '_How the hell did I get put up to this?!_'

"You can start…now!" I shout from my safe spot, waving my tail at them to begin.

Roy quickly presses his lips to Olivier's, slipping his tongue into her mouth as he turns a light shade of green. Needless to say, Roy ends up going through the roof…literally.

"Disgusting." The blonde mumbles as I pass her a bottle of my mouthwash. (Dragonlover71491 brand mouthwash: guaranteed to rid you of the taste of anything!)

"Sorry about that." I mumble as I pass her back her sword.

"Apology accepted, if you'll excuse me." She says before she leaves.

Chibi is looking up at the Roy shaped hole in the ceiling as I pull out a mattress. I look at the ceiling hole, count out on my fingers, and test the wind with my finger before I take out a paintbrush and paint an "X" on the stage.

"Chibi, help me put this over the "X," Roy will be here any minute." I say as I tug the mattress over to the spot I indicated.

"Right!" Chibi chirps as she helps me tug it over.

As soon as it's in place, my ears pick up the sound of screams as I lounge back in my seat.

"Three…two…one…" I sigh as I drum my fingers on my desk.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Roy screams as he crashes through the ceiling and lands on the mattress with a dull thud, safe and sound.

"You okay Roy-boy?" I ask as I pull out a medical kit.

"I'll be fine as long as I don't fly again." He mumbles as I start to bandage him up.

Chibi is laughing at the moment at his misfortune, thinking it's amusing. After he washes out his mouth, I start to look over the list again.

"Hold on! I want to show you a video!" Chibi announces as a projector lowers from the rafters.

"When did we have that installed?" I ask as a random video pops up on the screen.

"I put it in when you weren't looking." She smiles as she turns off the lights.

While I'm watching the video, Chibi pulls out a miniskirt and smiles deviously.

"Time for dare number two!" She squeals as she pounces on Roy.

"Ow! Hey! Stop! Don't touch that! Yeow! Don't touch me there!"

During this, I'm completely oblivious as I watch the video, but I turn on the lights when I hear…

"HELP ME!"

"Chibi, what the hell did you do?!" I shout as I turn to see what the ruckus is about.

I cover my eyes after I see that Chibi-chan has forced Roy into a blue miniskirt.

"This is so wrong." I hear him mumble as I peek between my fingers.

"You said it." I squeak as I grab a blindfold from my desk.

Chibi meanwhile has disappeared from view as I secure the blindfold over my eyes.

"Where did Chibi go?" Roy asks as he tries to pull the skirt a bit lower to try and cover himself.

"Don't know, she just ran off…be glad no one you know can see this Roy, otherwise you'd be a bit more humiliated." I mutter as I check to make sure my blindfold's in place.

"Guess who I brought?!" Chibi yells as she rushes back on stage, tugging a familiar someone onto the stage.

I pull the blindfold off to see what's going on, only to slap myself in the forehead out of irritation: Chibi's brought Maes Hughes onto the stage. You can probably expect what comes next…

"Roy! Buddy! What in the world are you wearing?!" Maes laughs as he pulls out a camera and starts taking pictures, or tires to.

"Maes! You can't even take photos, you're dead!" Roy shouts as he tries to hide the miniskirt.

"You're right…Chibi'll take them for me!" The spirit shouts as he passes the camera to my co-host.

"YES!" Chibi squeals as she proceeds to her photography assignment, snapping rapidly.

"Stop that!" I bark as I take the camera and toss it in one of my desk drawers.

"Hello?! Still in a skirt over here!" Roy yells as he tries to maintain some dignity in his current state.

"Right…" I sigh as I pull out a chest where I keep spare clothes in emergencies.

Chibi laughs as she looks at her photos.

"These are going up on the net!" She cackles as she tries to grab my computer.

"Oh hell no!" Roy snarls as he proceeds to chase my co-host around the stage, his gloves pulled on and he proceeds to attack Chibi.

'_I should have expected some fire damage…_' I think as I look for something in Roy's size.

Chibi barely dodges the fire attacks as she circles Roy, a playful smirk on her face.

"Hold still!"

Chibi ducks under his legs before leaping on my desk, laughing like a nutcase.

"Ha! Now you're mine!" He smirks as he prepares to snap his fingers.

As I look up from behind my desk, I shriek as I cover my eyes with my tail.

"Roy!" I squeal.

"What?!" He demands.

"Dude, you're in your briefs!" I shout as I use my tail to grab the clothes I found for him, my hands over my eyes.

"Aye!" Roy shouts as he tries to shield the view of his black briefs with his hands.

"Just take these and get dressed! No one wants to see you in your unmentionables!" I squeak as I give him the clothes; just great, I now have the image of Roy in his underwear stuck in my head.

He swipes the clothes from me and goes behind a screen I put up, switching into the new clothes hastily. Roy then comes out from behind the screen wearing a pair of black leather jeans and a dark blue muscle shirt, showing off his hidden muscles.

"I hope I never have to see Roy in his briefs ever again." I shudder as I collapse in my seat.

Then a ringing sound is heard as I duck down behind my desk, answering the phone I keep hidden away

"Hello? Dragonlover71491 here."

"_Hello, I'd like to ask you why you seem to be enjoying embarrassing Roy Mustang._" A feminine voice says on the other line.

"I'm not enjoying it, I can assure you Madam." I laugh as I look to Roy and Chibi.

"_It seems that way to me…and I do not appreciate the fact he was in a miniskirt of all things, it ruins his image as Colonel._"

"Hold on a sec…Riza Hawkeye, is that you?!" I demand as I stand up behind my desk.

All I hear is a click on the other end.

"She hung up on me." I mutter as I hang up the phone.

Chibi's cell then goes off as Roy and I turn to look at her.

"Hello?" Chibi asks as she answers her phone.

"_Do you enjoy making the colonel suffer?! I swear when I get my hands on you I'll skin you alive!_"

"How do you know I did it?" Chibi retorts smartly as she puts her cell on speakerphone.

"_I'M WATCHING IT AT HOME RIGHT NOW YOU DAMN CAT!!!!!_" Is what we all hear from the tiny phone.

Chibi then brings it back to her ear.

"Wait a tic…Riza is that you?" Chibi smirks as she looks at the cellphone.

"_Uh…this…no…I'm…wrong number!_"

'CLICK!'

Chibi then shoves her face into one of our cameras, a crazed smile on her face.

"I know you're watching Riza! And I know you love it!" She shouts as she squishes her face into the lens.

She then turns blue as I grab her by the throat with my tail and plop her on the couch.

"Sit…stay!" I snarl at her as I grab my computer and type rapidly, leaving a trail of smoke in my wake before I press the "enter" button.

"But… I'm not a dog…" Whined Chibi-chan.

We then find ourselves in the Fuhrer's bedroom, hanging upside down from ropes on his ceiling late at night. Bradley and his wife are right below us, fast asleep, unaware of our presence.

"Okay Roy…you need to take his eye patch." I whisper as I watch Chibi right herself up.

"Right…but how do I…?" He asks as he rights himself.

"I'll lower you down." I whisper as I find his end of rope and lower him down.

(Insert "Mission Impossible" theme)

Roy hangs right over the Fuhrer as he reaches out towards his prize, his fingertips barely a centimeter away. Then Bradley shifts onto his side, grumbling in his sleep, exposing the strap to his eye patch.

"Roy hurry up, you're heavy." I whisper as I hold the man over the head of Central.

"I almost got it." Roy whispers as he grips the strap with his fingertips, slowly sliding it up.

After a few tense minutes, Roy has the eye patch. He looks up at me and gives me a thumbs up before I start to pull him up.

"Okay…we got it, now let's bail." I whisper as I slip out my laptop and type us out of there.

As soon as we're back, Roy plops himself on the couch and holds the eye patch like a trophy.

"Smooth as silk." He chuckles as he tosses the eye patch in the air and catching it.

"Good…now on to the next dare." I smile as I type on my computer.

A giant pool is produced on stage as I pass Roy a pair of black swim trunks.

"You get dressed and wait while Chibi gets Edward." I smirk as I look at Chibi.

She smirks before running off and goes looking for Edward. A while later, she comes back dragging Ed by his braid, who's now sporting red trunks.

"I got Edward!" She shouts as she walks to the pool and tosses him in like a rag doll.

Roy jumps in too, a frown on his face as he walks through the water. Ed's standing in the pool, his nose barely above the water as he glares at Roy.

"You ready Shrimp?" Roy taunts as he splashes a small wave at the blonde.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL HE'D BE CRUSHED BY AN AMOEBA?!"

What ensues is a splash fight, Roy winning since he can actually stand and breathe.

"Winner is Roy!" I announce as I pull Ed out, squeezing his waist with my tail, water being spewed out of his mouth.

After Ed is revived, I pass him a small piece of paper as I smile.

"Keep this…you'll be wanting it." I laugh as I pat his shoulder.

He nods unsurely before leaving, looking nervously at Chibi along the way. But I grab him and put him on the couch. After I dry them off, I turn to Ed with a smirk.

"You can't leave yet." I state before whispering in Chibi's ear.

She smiles broadly before racing off, leaving a dust cloud behind. She soon comes back with Mae's ghost, a few albums in her hand.

"Time to look at all of Hughes' pictures." She laughs before tying Roy down in his seat.

Several hours later…

"And here's Elysia in my military coat! Ain't she the cutest little soldier ever?!" Maes squeals as Chibi shoves the photo near Roy's face.

Roy's eyes are bloodshot from lack of a nap since he's been forced to look at pictures for over 12 hours. Meanwhile Ed's sleeping on the couch while I play solitaire on my laptop.

"And here's me and Elysia at the beach! Isn't she cute in her little bathing suit, Roy?!"

"Please! I'm begging here! No more photos!"

"Too bad Roy, that was the last one." Maes whines before floating off, anime tears in his eyes.

Roy slumps in his chair as he closes his eyes at last. After his much needed power nap, I recheck the list from _Bugzattack_ to see what we still need to do. When I see the last one I end up twitching on the floor for a second before breathing out fire and burning the paper.

"I hate Roy/Ed! Why would I think of something even remotely related to it?!" I shout as I stamp angrily on the ashes.

Chibi then smiles evilly as she brings her fingers together, much like Mr. Burns from The Simpsons.

"I may not support Roy/Ed, but I can think of something to please the yaoi fangirls." She cackles evilly. "I KNOW! Draggy! Get Winry and Riza here!" She said with a devious smile.

"What the fuck are you thinking?" I demand as I bring out my mike.

"You'll see." She cackles as I look at her nervously.

"Oh boy…Winry! Riza! Please report to the front stage!" I shout into the mike as I tug at my armor nervously.

Winry and Riza walk on stage.

"This better be important, or else somebody's going to be talking to my gun." Said Riza.

Chibi-chan completely ignored what Riza said. "MY DARE IS FOR ROY AND ED TO MAKE OUT FOR AN HOUR!"

"Oh shit! You did not just say that!" I yell as I take cover under my desk.

"Oh yes I did, and Riza and Winry have to watch!" She cheers, not realizing how pissed off Riza is going to be.

Riza traces the outline of her gun as she glares at my smiling co-host, bloodlust in her eyes.

"Oh Shoot… PUN NOT INTENDED! DRAGGY! HELP MEEEEEE!!!!" She screams as she hides under my desk.

"Sorry! You're on your own." I say as I kick Chibi-chan out from under my desk.

Chibi-chan darts across the stage, Riza following after her, firing bullets as she runs.

"Don't hurt me!!" Shouted Chibi-chan who is suddenly cornered.

" Say your prayers damn cat." Said Riza as she aimed for the kill.

Suddenly at that moment a trap door falls out from under Riza's feet.

"What happened? Am I dead?" asks Chibi-chan who is curled up in a ball with her eyes closed.

"Oh right! I forgot about the trap doors!" I say, also surprised to see my co-host still in one piece.

"Can someone please help me out of here?" Riza inquires as I peek into the hole, tail waving nervously.

"Um…" I say unsurely as I look at my co-host.

"Riza's not coming out until she signs this!" Chibi shouts as she passes me a piece of paper.

_Chibi-chan is not to be harmed or killed, but may be hurt if completely necessary. In the event of the major scarring of a character, a mallet may be used._

"Okay…Riza, you need to sign this before I can pull you out." I say as I lower the paper on a hook.

Riza takes the paper and looks it over before pulling a pen from one of her pockets, signing it before replacing it back on the hook. I tug it back up and nod in satisfaction before I start lowering my tail.

"Wait!" Chibi says as I stop midway.

"What is it?"

"Can we do the dare, then bring Riza up?" She asks nervously as I glare at her.

"Fine." I mutter as I lower down a T.V. monitor into the hole.

"I thought I was coming out?" Riza demands calmly as I look down at her.

"Sorry Riza…Chibi wants you to come out after the dare, the monitor is for you to watch without hurting her." I explain as I to Roy and Ed.

Chibi has a timer set for an hour, Winry is watching her with a glare as she sits on the couch.

"Do we have to do this?" Roy asks as he looks at me to say 'no.'

"Sorry…but yes." I mutter as I slip the blindfold on again.

The alchemists close their eyes before coming close together.

"Start…now!" Chirps my co-host as I secure the blindfold.

After an hour of kissing, groping and other nasty things, Roy and Ed separate without hesitation as Chibi shouts…

"Time's up!"

I pass them both a bottle of mouthwash before I turn to look down in the hole Riza's in.

"You okay Riza?"

She glances up at me, and I notice the monitor I left with her is smashed. I sigh before I lower my tail in.

"Grab onto my tail and I'll pull you up." I explain as Riza grabs on tight.

I tug her out and lead her over to the couch. After everyone is settled and Winry leaves disgusted, I pull out another sheet of paper.

"Okay…enough of that. The next dare is from _2Lazy2LogN_." I sigh, still trying to calm my queasy stomach.

_2Lazy2LogN_

_I dare Roy to burn his paperwork in front of Hawkeye._

"Oh great, I know exactly what the hell is going to happen…" I sigh as I show the dare to Roy.

He sweats a little as I place a pile of papers on my desk.

I then take the top sheet and give it to Riza.

"This is the Colonel's paperwork." She states as she places the sheet back.

"It is…Roy…" I say before I discreetly pull Chibi and Ed under my desk.

Roy gulps nervously as he holds up his left hand, fingers ready to snap. Riza raises a delicate brow at his actions before he snaps his fingers, incinerating the paperwork into a pile of ash on my desk. Riza stares at the damage before pulling out her gun.

"Roy, I'd run if I were you." I say as I peek over my desk.

He wastes no time as he sprints away from Riza, she firing a round of bullets at him. This goes on for a half hour before Roy is back on the couch, Riza between him and a freaked out Edward cleaning her gun. I judge the damage; seeing as Riza's bullets have pierced through the stage, the couch, my desk, my banners, quite a few things to be truthful.

"Scary!" Chibi squeaks as she and Ed come out from behind me as I stand up, slapping Chibi upside the head to make her clam down as I remove my armor.

"Stuff it Chibi-chan, we need to move on." I mumble as I use my laptop to fix the damage.

After explaining Roy's reasons for his act, Riza nods in understanding as she puts away her gun.

"All right then, our last dare comes from _the girl with the big head_." I say as I pull out the envelope.

But everyone isn't expecting me to give this reaction:

"WHOO-HOO!" I yell enthusiastically as I fly around the studio, a trail of hearts behind me as I dive, twist, loop-de-loop, and freewheel in midair.

"Draggy's gone crazy!" Chibi screams as she jumps in Riza's arms, watching me nervously as I spin like a mini tornado in my joy.

"It appears that whatever was on that paper has made her extremely happy." Riza states as I dive at the camera and start kissing the lens vigorously.

"_the girl with the big head_! If you're watching this, thank you for this dare!" I squeal as I hug the camera before I dive for the paper and cuddle it.

"Exactly _why_ is this dare so great?" Roy asks as I rummage vigorously in my desk, tossing out various things in my haste: my Roy and Riza plushies, my favorite pillow, and my Chibi-chan voodoo doll.

"Look for yourself and see exactly why this dare is so great." I say as I use my tail to grab the letter and shove it in Roy's face.

Roy opens the letter and his eyes widen at its contents.

_the girl with big head_

_roy:propose to ._

"Huh?! I need to what?!"

"Just as it says right there in black and white." I trill as I pass him a red velvet box.

Both Ed and Riza are staring at Roy and the box in his hand as I swing my tail back and forth in the air as I wait impatiently.

"Uh…Lieutenant Hawkeye…"

"Yes Sir?"

Roy bends down on one knee unsurely as he opens the box, revealing a gold diamond ring.

"Riza…will you…um."

I dig my claws into my desk as I glare at the flame alchemist, a frown on my face as my wings unfurl and start to beat.

'_Roy…you better do this or you'll be on the receiving end of my fire breath!_' I think as my wings start to build up a small gale.

"Say it you idiot!" Chibi screams as she kicks Roy in the butt, sending him sprawling into Riza's lap.

"Sir! That's no place for you to be!" Riza yells as she shoves him off, a tiny blush on her face.

"That's it! I can't take it anymore!" I shriek as I pull out a syringe.

"It's the syringe of DOOM!" Chibi squeals as I grab Roy and stick him in the butt.

"Ouch! Why the hell did you…?!" Roy starts before going glassy eyed.

"Maybe now he'll tell the truth." I mutter as I set him up in the position he was in before Chibi's kick.

Roy looks right into Riza's eyes as the truth serum kicks in…

"Miss Riza Hawkeye, will you do me the honor of becoming Mrs. Mustang when I become Fuhrer and rid us of the fraternization laws?" He asks boldly as he slips the ring on Riza's hand.

Riza is speechless as she stares at the ring.

"But what about the higher ups?" She mutters as I lounge back in my chair.

"Those idiots have no idea, I cut off our show from their programs, so they'll never find out about this." I laugh as I make the victory sign.

Ed is just staring at us, caught between laughing and surprise as I see his mouth twitching. Riza looks back at Roy as she touches the ring on her finger.

"I…can't accept." She says as she removes the ring and gives it back to Roy.

Bad move Riza…

"NOOOOOOOOO! My heart!" I scream in anguish as I collapse to the floor.

Chibi then rushes off stage and comes back with a defibrillator. She rubs the two pads together as she watches my heart beat on a monitor.

"Clear!" She shouts as she applies the pads to me, trying to shock me back to life.

No response…

"Clear!"

Still nothing…

"Clear!"

Nada…

"Wake up dammit!" She shouts in my face, slapping me repeatedly.

I grab her hand as I peek out of one eye.

"Slap me again and I end you." I mutter darkly as I sit up.

"She's alive!" She squeals as she hugs me, making me a bit uncomfortable.

"Well…that's it then, I guess." I sigh, depressed by Riza's answer.

"I guess so…" Chibi adds as she tries to cheer me up.

"All right, you can all leave…but Roy, Ed has something to show you before you leave." I say emotionlessly as I point to the blonde alchemist.

Ed just rolls out the paper and sticks it in Roy's face.

_2Lazy2LogN_

_I dare Roy to let Ed be HIS boss for a day. Roy has to do everything Ed tells him. (Ed may abuse this power if he wishes. Give him hell kid.)_

"You have got to me kidding me." Roy sighs as he glares at the paper.

"It's true, now getting going you worm." Ed demands as he struts off stage.

"Yes…Sir." Roy says, a tiny grimace on his face as he follows.

Riza glances at me one last time before leaving. Chibi opens my computer and sees a window that's been minimized.

"Draggy?"

"What?" I sigh as I cuddle with my plushies.

"Why does this window show a view of Roy's office?" She asks as she points to the newly opened window.

"I had a camera installed in the office when I checked the dares ahead of time." I mutter as I make the plushies cuddle.

"Oooo…" Chibi says as she grabs a bucket of popcorn.

'_Best if I don't tell her I'm recording it for entertainment purposes._' "Before I forget, Riza Hawkeye is our next guest, and she'll be bringing her dog Black Hayate." I sigh as I make it look like the Roy plushie proposes to the Riza plushie.

"Aw! I love Black Hayate!" She squees.

"I thought you hated dogs?" I mutter as I make the plushies hug.

"Black Hayate is an exception, he's so cute!" She coos as she cuddles the human Alphonse plushie I gave her.

"Right…either way, polls will be open until April 2nd. So send in your questions ASAP." I say mournfully as I put my plushies back in my desk.

"Bye for now!" Chibi chirps as I slump down in my seat.

"See you all soon." I sigh as I close my eyes and cry.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Dragonlover71491: That's done…now to wait.

Chibi-chan: (laughing) I can't believe you went loco on stage.

Dragonlover71491: Shut up.

Chibi-chan: No way!

Dragonlover71491: (Uses fire breath)

Chibi-chan: (Burnt to a crisp)

Dragonlover71491: Now I feel better. See you all soon!

Chibi-chan: Oh! Before I get bandages! I WILL BE TAKING OVER ANIME TALK Sorta…. I'm going to be hosting the show as I interview the cast of Kuroshitsuji or Black Butler…. AND I NEED A CO-HOST!!! T.T Send a message to me at the link below.

/~damedesuyo  
or  
/u/2130885/


	6. Riza Hawkeye and Black Hayate

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters that are appearing here…but beware, they will be tortured…by my co-host, Dame-Desu-yo, AKA Chibi-chan.

Here's our next: Riza Hawkeye

* * *

Chapter 5: Riza Hawkeye

I'm at my desk in a slump…I'm still upset over Riza's answer from Roy's interview.

'_Why did she say 'no?' They're meant to be together, why would she refuse?_'

Then a thought strikes me as I think of her reasoning.

'_The fraternization laws! Of course! As long as those are in place, she can't accept Roy's proposal! If I can somehow get rid of…_'

I then smile evilly as I start pacing in front of my desk.

'_If I get rid of the laws, Riza can become Mrs. Roy Mustang! But to get rid of the laws, I have to get rid of the source, and the source I need to destroy is…_' "Fuhrer King Bradley." I smirk as I think about my plan.

Chibi walks in as I start packing my black suitcase, a machine gun in my hands.

"Draggy…what are you doing?" She asks nervously as I debate between packing a can of tear gas and a can of knockout gas.

"I'm just going off to assassinate Fuhrer King Bradley." I say casually as I slip on a pair of black gloves.

"Oh…okay then…WHAT?!"

"You heard me, I'm helping Roy and Riza's relationship here." I say proudly as I readjust my tool belt, checking to see that I have everything I need.

"Are you mad?! You'll be caught!"

"Not if they think someone else did it." I remark slyly as I type out my location.

"But Draggy…"

"Wish me luck." I smirk before I'm transported.

I'm then in front of the Fuhrer's mansion, my case in hand as I observe my surroundings. I then notice a light in the Fuhrer's office as I make my way over to the window. I slip on my black ski mask and tuck in my tail, wings, and hair before I start climbing up.

'_So far, so good._' I think as I grab onto the window ledge.

I then peek inside to see Bradley at his desk, working on a few documents. I wait patiently for a few minutes before I see Bradley leave, his paperwork on the desk. I slip inside without a sound as I walk quietly over to his desk and use a special pair of glasses to scan the documents. Most of them aren't worth looking over before I notice a sheet that reads "Philosopher's Stone" at the top.

'_I know this guy's a homunculus, and they're after the stone, so this is perfect proof._' I smirk as I use my laptop to scan the paper into the database for later.

I then grab a sheet of stationary and start typing out a new document.

_As of today, the fraternization laws are now null and void. All personal are allowed to date within the workplace as long as work is not disrupted._

_Fuhrer King Bradley_

"Yes! And for added measure…" I smirk as I write out a letter of recommendation.

_From the desk of Lieutenant Colonel Maes Hughes_

_This is to say that if anything should happen to Fuhrer King Bradley, I recommend that Colonel Roy Mustang take his place. He is the best choice since he would know what is best for the people. That is all I have to say._

"Perfect." I laugh as I slip the letter into a desk drawer.

I then hear the doorknob click, so I grab my case and attach myself to the ceiling, my heart beating wildly. Bradley comes back in, sitting back in his seat before continuing his paperwork. I then reach into one of the pouches on my belt, slipping out a bit of his ashes that I made by cremating a few bones as I smile happily.

'_Time to say "adios" señor Fuhrer._' I think as I pull my arm back, taking careful aim.

As soon as he puts away his work, I make my move…

"Banzai!" I shout as I throw the ashes on him.

He looks up at me as I fly down and land on him, ripping of the eye patch. I see the oborus (spelling?) tattoo on his left eye and quickly snap a few pictures before falling back.

"Now to finish the job…" I smile as I pull out the machine gun.

"You think you can kill me?" He chuckles as I load up.

"Not with normal ammo I can't, but with a few things, I can homunculus." I sneer as I take aim again.

"Stupid creature, you can't stop our plans." He states as he draws his sword.

"I might not…but I have proof of your deception." I laugh as I hold up a tape recorder.

He charges at me, but I shoot him down before he can make a strike at me.

"What the hell? What's with these bullets?"

"Simple, they're laced with your original body's ashes…now to rid this world of you." I retort with an emotionless face as I point my gun at where his heart should be.

"Wait…can't we talk this out?"

"Hasta la vista Bradley." I mutter as I perform the deed.

After I pack away my gun, I grab a few pre-made fingerprints and mess everything up, trying to make it look like a robbery, taking a few valuables for good measure.

"Perfect, now no one can trace this back to me." I smirk proudly as I pack away my things.

I then leave the scene of the crime triumphantly, reappearing in the studio and putting away the suitcase in my desk. Chibi is staring at me like I've gone insane.

"You actually did it." She mutters as I remove my mask, shaking out my dark locks before I change my clothes.

"Yup, and damn proud of it." I laugh as I switch into a set of jeans, a t-shirt, and tie back my hair.

"I don't like this." She mutters as I pull down the projector.

"Oh shush, anyway, let's have a look at how Roy handled being Ed's subordinate for a day…" I chuckle as I start the video.

The screen is then filled up, revealing our favorite alchemists in Roy's office. Ed's lounging back in Roy's chair as the flame alchemist works on his paperwork with a sour face.

"Hey Mustang, get me a snack will you? I'm famished." Ed chuckles as Roy stands up from his seat, a forced smile on his face.

"Of course Sir." He says quickly as he goes through the door.

A few minutes later, Roy's back with some cookies and milk for Ed.

"You know I hate milk Mustang." Ed remarks as he takes the glass and throws the contents on Roy

"My apologies Sir." Roy mutters as he wipes off his face.

"Good to know you've learned your lesson; now go do my laundry, by hand." Ed smirks as he points to a pile of dirty clothes on the floor.

Roy grumbles as he grabs a basin and washboard, getting to work on a pair of Ed's shorts. Ed just kicks back and looks pleased with himself as he watches Roy suffer. The screen then goes blank as Chibi and I turn to look at each other.

"I guess Ed was really sore about the pool thing." I laugh nervously as I gather my papers.

"Looks like it." She giggles as she sits on the couch.

"Anyway…let's welcome everyone's favorite sharpshooter, Ms. Riza Hawkeye." I cheer as my wings flap enthusiastically, creating a strong wind.

"Stop it!" Chibi shouts, clinging to the top of the couch.

"Oops…sorry about that Chibi-chan." I chuckle embarrassedly as I fold my wings.

"I'm okay…just don't do that again." She mutters as she tries to smooth her hair back to normal.

Riza walks onto the stage, Black Hayate on a leash as she moves to sit on the couch. Chibi-chan scoots away from Riza as her tail poofs out, clearly scared out of her wits as Hayate settles himself at Riza's feet. Chibi isn't afraid of the dog, it's the owner that's got her scared.

"Welcome to the show Riza." I say cheerfully as I shake her hand.

"Pleasure to be here…" She says with a small smile, rubbing Black Hayate's head.

Chibi is still scooted away, looking at everywhere but at Riza.

"And this is Chibi-chan…" I sigh as I point to the scaredy cat of a co-host.

Riza glances at Chibi for a few seconds, but then refocuses her attention on me.

"So let's get started…our only questions come from _BugzAttack_." I announce as I open the roll of paper.

_BugzAttack_

_Is it true Roy calls you Riza when you two are alone. what else, (wink wink, nudge nudge) happens between you when you think that no one is watching._

_Which of the hosts do you most want to shoot after this show with you and how they treated Roy Mustang?_

_Also, what happened during the time that Roy was Ed's *slave* in the last chapter?_

"So tell us Riza of your…connection with Roy." '_PLEASE TELL ME!!!!_'

"Well Dragonlover…the colonel and I only have a professional relationship, no more no less. True he may call me Riza when it's just us…but we do not have a romantic relationship, nor do I have hidden feelings." Riza replies stoically.

But I know she's lying about her feelings because I have a silent pocket-sized lie detector in my pants pocket: it vibrates once for the truth, and twice for a lie.

"And…do you want to shoot us due to what occurred on Roy's interview?" I ask nervously as I duck behind my desk.

"I don't want to shoot either of you, if I was to go out of character on the other hand…I'd probably be shooting Chibi."

"Eh?! Why me and not Draggy?!"

"Because you forced the majority of the dares on the colonel while Dragonlover has some respect for him."

"Right…and was there anything else that happened during Ed's day as boss?" I ask as I get back in my chair.

"Besides forcing the colonel to do his paperwork and wait on him hand-and-foot…well, he had Colonel Mustang dress in a pink bunny suit and sing something along the lines of "La la la, li li li, I'm a silly pink bunny…" " (I love that part of Fairly Odd Baby!)

"I see…" I say, trying to refrain from laughing.

Chibi is on the floor laughing her ass off as Hayate glances at her curiously.

"All right…let's move on to our favorite part of the show, "Chibi-chan's Dare Corner," I hope you're ready Riza."

"Only those questions Draggy?" Asked Chibi-surprised it was her turn so quickly.

"What could these people possibly do?" She laughs as I grab the list.

"Okay…but before we start, Riza…I need to confiscate your guns." I say seriously as I hold out my hands.

"Why?"

"Just a safety precaution…for us." I mutter the last part under my breath as Riza gives me all the guns she has on hand.

Chibi looks relieved as I put the guns away.

"All right…first dares are from _the girl with big head_."

_the girl with big head_

_Riza:be feminine ONCE IN A WHILE, will ya? please?_

_I dare you to year a mini, no scratch that, MICROskirt and seductively make out with Roy._

_How's that draggy?_

"…Are you serious?" Riza asks as she glares at the paper over my shoulder.

"Afraid so…" I sigh as I pull out the micro skirt. On the inside though…

'_Yes! Thank you!_'

After I put up a changing booth, I pull out the mike as Riza changes into it.

"Roy Mustang…please report to the front for a surprise!" I yell into the mike as Riza comes out wearing the skirt with a look of disdain.

"This is so humiliating…" Riza sighs as she tries to pull the skirt down to cover herself.

Chibi is laughing deviously as she takes a few photos.

"So going on YouTube!" She whispers as she hides them for later.

Roy waltzes on stage as he yawns; apparently he hasn't had his nap yet.

"Now what the hell did you need me for?" He questions before I grasp his face in my hand and turn him toward Riza.

As soon as he sees Riza, he does only one thing…MAJOR NOSEBLEED! Seriously, he has blood dripping down his front as he crumples to the floor.

"Roy!" Riza exclaims as she rushes to his side.

I go through my desk drawers until I find the smelling salts. I wave them under his nose as I tap his face, trying to revive him. He twitches a little before he opens his eyes, looking at us quizzically.

"You okay Roy?"

"Oh man, for a second I thought I saw Lieutenant Hawkeye in a micro skirt." He sighs as he rubs his head.

I cough as I point to Riza…and Roy covers his nose as he feels the blood coming again.

"Get up you pervert…" I sigh as I grab him with my tail.

I plop Roy down on the couch as I shove the list under his nose, making sure he doesn't bleed on it. Tired of the blood, I use my laptop to make the blood disappear form his person as Chibi pushes Riza toward Roy.

"Just do it, it'll only be for a bit." I state as I rub the heads of my Roy and Riza plushies.

They look at each other unsurely before Roy places his hand on Riza's hip.

"It'll be all right Riza, I won't hurt you." He chuckles as he places a chaste kiss on her neck.

'_YES! ROYAI! YEAH BABY YEAH!_' I squeal in my head as Riza leans into Roy.

Riza kisses Roy unsurely to start, but he soon takes the lead as he grasps the base of her neck. Chibi ducks behind the couch as she blushes, not wanting to see this. Riza slips her hands into Roy's hair and pulls him back on the couch, wrapping one of her legs around his hips, moaning loudly as Roy slips his tongue into her mouth.

"This is so nasty!" Chibi squeaks as she peers at me from behind the couch.

"Just don't watch." I mutter as I munch on popcorn.

Riza then moves to nibble at Roy's ear, causing him to growl lowly as he slips his fingers under the waistband of the skirt.

"We shouldn't be doing this." She whispers to him as he nips at her neck.

"But it's pretty hot when we do it in public." Roy reasons as he gropes her ass.

"Okay! I think that's enough!" I shout as I cover my eyes, my inner fangirl on overdrive as I pull them apart with my tail.

"EWWWWWWW!" Chibi-chan says as she stands next to me.

"All right…next dare is from _Savannah_."

_Savannah_

_I dare Riza to go on an hour-long date with Roy without firing her gun._

_*Huggles Black Hayate*_

"What?" Riza asks as I pull out my laptop.

"Too late, I've already made reservations at a restaurant for you two." I smirk as I press the enter key on my computer.

Chibi smirks as well as she follows them, plans in her head. We find Roy and Riza at an Italian place, Riza in a red satin dress while Roy is in a tux. The two have already settled in their seats as Chibi is watching them from a tree.

"Now to cause a little chaos for these two." She snickers as she grabs a bow and arrow.

But I stop her and grab her arm, a scowl on my face.

"No way in hell am I letting you ruin this!" I whisper harshly as I grab her and try to pull her away.

But Chibi hits me in my gut, making me involuntarily cough out a flame. She places her arrow in the fire before she fires it at Roy and Riza. But her arrow merely lights the candles at their table.

"Shoot!"

"Ha! Even the heavens know this date will not be ruined by you!" I cackle as I watch the scene.

Roy and Riza are enjoying themselves it seems as I sigh happily. But Chibi won't give up as she sneaks into the restaurant's kitchen. She listens from a little window for Roy and Riza's order.

"I'll have the Chicken Bolognese." Riza says as she passes her menu to their waiter.

"I'll have the Rigatoni with Beef and Eggplant Ragu." Roy says as he does the same.

Chibi smiles as she spots the dishes in question.

"Time to turn up the heat." She snickers as she brings out a bottle of Tabasco sauce.

She pours the contents onto the food, just before they're carried out. She slips out and waits behind a plant as she watches the waiter take the food out…but her mouth drops open as the waiter takes the food to Olivier and Alex Armstrong.

"Ah crap!" She whispers as she tries to crawl away.

But Olivier and Alex have already taken bites of their food. Their faces turn a deep red as they grab for their water, chugging it down without a care as Chibi makes her way to the door. But a sword is an inch away from her nose before she can make it. Chibi looks up to see Olivier glaring at her.

"Uh…hello?" Chibi says nervously as she tries to crawl away.

Olivier just grabs her and tugs her out of the restaurant. A bit later, Chibi is back in the tree with me as I snicker at her. Chibi-chan is covered with bandages as she watches Roy and Riza leave the restaurant, tail twitching irritably.

"This time I'm going to make sure it's ruined." She snarls as she follows them, tiptoeing quietly.

"Why do you hate them so much?!" I demand as I follow her, teeth bared in anger.

"You fanatics have issues!"

"…What's your point?"

She just shakes her head at me as Roy and Riza decide to take a boat ride, despite Roy's hatred of water.

"Now this will be good." Chibi snickers as she rents a boat too, me following close behind.

"I doubt you can do anything to mess it up, everything else you've done has helped instead of mess it up." I point out as I get into the boat too.

We follow them out, watching as the two of them talk to each other, both are smiling and laughing as I purr blissfully. Chibi smirks as she withdraws a blowpipe, loading it up before taking aim.

"What the hell?!" I demand as Chibi fires a dart, hitting Riza in the hand.

"OW!" Riza shouts as she glares at the dart.

Roy just smiles valiantly as he plucks it from her and kisses the wound.

"HA! You fail again!" I laugh in Chibi's face as I do a victory dance in the air.

"Why the heck are all my efforts failing?!" Chibi screams as she waves her arms like in anime when people freak out.

"Like I said, they were meant to be." I gush as I breathe out a ring of smoke in the shape of a heart.

Roy and Riza leave their boat ride and Chibi and I continue to follow. Next on their list is dancing…and I smile as I think of the perfect song for them as we all enter he dance club. I fly over to the D.J. and hold up a wad of cash as I tell him my request.

"Ladies and Gents…we have a request for "Sway" by Michael Buble." He says to the crowd as he plays the song. (Play the song for better effect!)

_When marimba rhythms start to play_

_Dance with me, make me sway_

_Like a lazy ocean hugs the shore_

_Hold me close, sway me more_

Roy pulls Riza close as the music starts, Chibi and I hidden away as they move as one.

_Like a flower bending in the breeze_

_Bend with me, sway with ease_

_When we dance you have a way with me_

_Stay with me, sway with me_

_Other dancers may be on the floor_

_Dear, but my eyes will see only you_

_Only you have that magic technique_

_When we sway I go weak_

_I can hear the sounds of violins_

_Long before it begins_

_Make me thrill as only you know how_

_Sway me smooth, sway me now_

Roy looks deeply into Riza's eyes as he tightens his hold at Riza's lower back.

_Other dancers may be on the floor_

_Dear, but my eyes will see only you_

_Only you have that magic technique_

_When we sway I go weak_

_I can hear the sounds of violins_

_Long before it begins_

_Make me thrill as only you know how_

_Sway me smooth, sway me now_

_When marimba rhythms start to play_

_Dance with me, make me sway_

_Like a lazy ocean hugs the shore_

_Hold me close, sway me more_

_Like a flower bending in the breeze_

_Bend with me, sway with ease_

_When we dance you have a way with me_

_Stay with me, sway with me_

_When marimba start to play_

_Hold me close, make me sway_

_When we dance you have a way with me_

_Stay with me, sway with me_

At the end, Roy dips Riza low to the floor, a smug smile on his face as Riza smirks back at him. I jump up and down happily as Chibi growls at me.

"Ooooh! This is wonderful! The love is so thick you can taste it!" I squeal as my wings flutter.

"Ugh! This is annoying."

"Well…back to the studio."

Chibi and I return, and I check my watch.

"It's been an over hour, so Roy and Riza need to come back."

I bring the two back, both of them looking content as I wiggle my eyebrows.

"Enjoy yourselves?"

"Yes…quite." Riza says simply as she sits back on the couch.

"Glad to know…last dares are from _BugzAttack_."

I take one glance at the list and fall over, twitching violently as I foam at the mouth.

_BugzAttack_

_All right, I dare Hawkeye to give that Pride kid a hug. Then she has to tell him he has been a bad little boy and has to go to bed early without any supper._

_I dare you to read M rated romance fan fictions of various non-canon parings involving Mustang, and a Roy Mpreg fic. Tell us what you think of them._

"Oh lord! No wonder Draggy is in this state!" Chibi blanches as I continue to twitch.

"Oh boy…any way to get her out of it?" Roy asks concernedly as Chibi puts me back in my seat.

"Hold on." Chibi says as she grabs a bucket of water.

She dumps it on me and I sputter and spit, shaking myself off as I glare at her.

"Thanks…but do that again and you're my new floor carpet." I growl as I grab the mike.

"Sorry."

"Selim! Sweetie, we need you out front."

The little boy runs on stage and stops in front of my desk.

"Thank you for coming."

"No trouble at all." He chuckles as I turn to Riza.

She nods understandingly as she kneels at Selim's level. Before he can blink, she pulls him into a hug, patting his head affectionately. Then she pulls away with a scowl.

"You've been a bad boy Selim, now I want you to go to bed without supper." She says sternly as she pushes him gently in the other direction.

"Okay…" Selim says unsurely as he wanders off.

I then sigh as I pass Riza my computer.

"Should I be worried?" She inquires as she starts searching for stories.

"If it were me…yes." I state as I pull out my sketchpad and start doodling.

Several non-canon and mpreg fics later…

Riza looks a bit pale as she passes my laptop back to me.

"So…disgusting." She shudders as I pass her a bottle of water.

"I know…now we're d…"

"Wait! We have one more dare left!" Chibi announces as she passes me a paper.

"I thought we were done!"

_the girl with big head_

_Blackhayate: i dare you to BE MY DOG for a day!yay!_

"The dog gets a dare…unbelievable." I sigh as I take Hayate's leash.

I then write a note before I teleport him:

_Please return Hayate before the start of the next chapter._

"Okay…now we're done. Thanks for coming Riza."

"It was nice being here."

Roy and Riza depart as I relax in my seat. But then I hear something that makes me scatter like a rodent.

"THIS IS THE FBI! WE'RE HERE FOR THE SUSPECT OF THE FUHRER'S MURDER!"

"Cripes! They found me!" I shout as I pack a suitcase and run.

"Where are you going?!" Chibi asks as I grab a few false ID's.

"Mexico! And before I forget, our next guest is Maes Hughes! Polls open 'til April 10th! Now I got to split! Hasta Manana!" I yell as I run away.

"Wait! Don't leave me!"

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Dragonlover71491: Whoo…done.

Chibi-chan: Draggy! Don't leave me with the FBI!!! They'll torture me till they find you!!!

Dragonlover71491: Be strong my Co-Host! *leaves*

Chibi-chan: NO!! DRAGGY! (Oh on a side note folks. I'm taking over Anime Talk for a Kuroshitsuji (AKA Black Butler) Edition~! Visit my page, read the episode info and Please leave questions and dares!!!)


	7. NOTICE!

Due to the fact this story is not getting much response from the public, my partner and I have decided to stop writing for it.

HOWEVER…

We will be doing "Anime Talk Aftermath: FMA Edition," in this story, Chibi and I decide to take Ed, Al, Winry, Riza, and Roy to a Anime Con. What chaos will unfold? Just wait and see!


End file.
